Hate That I Love You
by Clear Plastic
Summary: Ten reasons why Bella hates that she loves Jacob all too much. Jacob/Bella.


**One**

He keeps her up all night.

She cannot sleep, when she is curled up against a marble statue, shivering, and she wishes for her own personal space heater, in all his russet-skinned glory. The moonlight filters through her open window, splaying across her shivering self, as Edward shifts and presses his cold lips on her head, murmuring words Bella doesn't hear.

She looks out of the window, and wonders if Jacob is thinking of her, as she is thinking of him.

**Two**

Bella cannot live without his laugh.

It warms her to her very core, when she unknowingly says something that tickles Jacob. His laugh rumbles in his chest, and travels up, and he releases it with a parting of his lips, deep chuckles and great guffaws. Jacob has plenty of laughs.

Bella loves every single one of them.

**Three**

Jacob is beautiful, and Bella cannot stop thinking about him.

His russet skin glistens under a film of sweat, and his muscles ripple as he works at a car, meticulously tightening screws and nuts, hands blackened from prolonged contact with the underbelly of a car. His hair falls in gentle waves, and they frame his face _beautifully. _His eyes always twinkle, especially when he looks at Bella.

Not even icily beautiful granite can compare.

**Four**

The way Jacob looks at her kills her.

His eyes search deep into hers, and their fingers intertwine, Bella's dwarfed in his wide, sure grip. The confined space of Bella's truck presses them close together, and a shift stick pokes Bella's back but she ignores it. His breath is coming faster, and their breath fogs up the glass. His eyes implore Bella to say it, _say it._

But the words are stuck in her throat.

_I love you._

**Five**

Bella can never get enough of his intoxicating kisses.

His lips, so very warm. They travel down her sensitive neck, tracing their own little path. Bella can feel the thumping of his heart beneath her hand. She always places her hand there. His lips envelop her own, and she is lost. Tongues flicker in and out, and Jacob's hands leave an unbearable burning feeling wherever it went. She arches under his masterful touch, and she knows no one can manipulate her like Jacob.

**Six**

She can never stay mad at him for too long.

Maybe it was his eyes, or the way he pleaded, she doesn't _know._

Just a silent 'please' would be enough to send Bella over the edge of a precipice, unable to return again. He would phase into his wolf form, and Bella couldn't resist him in his wolf form. Nuzzling his head against her face, a slithering tongue slides out to lick Bella on her cheek as she protests loudly. But she knows she can never live without this.

She hates that she has to choose.

**Seven**

Bella craves his hugs.

His warmth is around Bella, and all she can see beneath her closed eyelids is blissfully Jacob. The tautness of his chest, the firmness of his body. He always loosens his grip when Bella turns rigid, but she knows he would never hurt her, never in a million years.

Maybe that was why it hurt so much when Jacob told her they had to stop.

**Eight**

She knew they wouldn't last long.

Their secret outings were getting more and more frequent, and Bella had the sneaking suspicion that Edward knew, somehow.

They usually ended up on the beach, beside their -- they had christened it as theirs -- favorite bleached log. They would chat for hours at end, and no matter how hard they told themselves that it would never happen again, they always ended up in each other's arms, trembling lips touching each other's with unbearable tenderness.

_Never again, _they would say.

But Bella knew there would be a next time, and a next time, and the next time…

**Nine**

His smiles always brighten up Bella's day.

Her own personal sunshine -- that was what Jacob ought to be called. He was her own sun, and her whole day seemed miles brighter whenever he was around. Skies were bluer, birds chirped louder, grass seemed greener, and Bella is happier. So much happier. He is the only one who can cheer her up immensely, and she laughs more around him, her eyes sparkle more.

**Ten**

Bella cannot bring herself to say _I love you_ to Jacob.

They get stuck in her throat, and Jacob's face crumples after each silence. She tries to comfort her the best she can, and leaves kisses all over his face. But Bella still cannot say _I love you._

Three simple words, and Bella couldn't say it.

Maybe it was because Bella knew that she cannot say it to two different people. She had to choose, at some time or another. It was Jacob who eventually made the decision.

'Maybe it's better this way,' he said, with a devastatingly pained smile, and he walked away, disappearing behind the thick trees of the forest, leaving Bella standing there, shivering, wondering what the hell had just happened.

She goes back to Edward, and he welcomes her back with open arms. She touches her lips to his marble ones, and murmurs against his lips, 'I love you.'

She didn't deserve him, anyway.


End file.
